Facebook Who the F are you and is Andrew Zimmern wrapping it up?

This week's podcast was another "Who the F*ck are you?" Facebook game special. In case you missed the first special, the rules of the game are simple. One person looks at the other person's Facebook friends list, reads some info on that friend (birthplace, marital status, favorite movies, etc.) and then asks the question - who the Fuck are you? If the friend is not called out then that person gets boot from the friends list. That's it...so simple but yet so much fun. In the first episode I saved 5 out of 7 friends. Saved friends: Annmarie Dalton Kote, Larry Ianuzzi, Pete Caballero, Josh Morrison and Johanna Jorgensen. Booted: Charlene Michalkowski Anderson and Jamie Hobbie.

Sir Axman was not so proficient going 0 for 3 losing Some crazy girl from the south with the same last name, Dan Stencel, and Carl Archer.

Take a listen to see how Sir Axman redeemed himself and how we both waxed poetically about our favorite Milf.


One more thing this week...I have a habit of comparing people. For instance, I recently met someone in business and when asked what my impression was of this person my response was I didn't know Gabe Kaplan. Anyway, I want to share one of these observations with you. I recently read a Facebook entry from a friend about a "close call" and a battle with a rabbit. I've had a few of these scare over the course of my adult life and and right away my thoughts go to reliving the situation and feeling the bad, the worse, then the Euphoria when the crisis is averted. This whole thing got me thinking...next time wrap it up. That's right, just like the song by 80's band The Fabulous Thunderbirds. When looking at this recent video of them, is it me or is the lead singer Andrew Zimmern? Well, that's up to you to decide.

Thanks for stopping by and let me know if you would like to try your hand at Facebook Who the fuck are you. We would love to have you on the podcast. Slap it, flip it and dip it!

Avatar: the last Colon Bender

During the podcast this week I talk about how I have become Avatar: The Colon Bender. Yes I am not the Last colon bender as we all know many of us exist. I was just startled at the revelation that I have joined a club that, just a mere few years ago, I would have been horrified to be associated with. Listen to the podcast to get the details on how I discovered that I am indeed part of the colon benders. Things took a turn for the worse when we discuss the proper etiquette of dropping #2 at the office. Special thanks to RotoRay and D-Will for showing me the way of 14Th floor, left stall.

Also this week, Sir Axman and I told a few stories from the casino including playing bingo, excessive drinking, cigar smoking, poltergeist orgasms and other wholesome activities.

Random thought from this week's show - I entered a word into UrbanDictionary.com, see it here! Yes, I am Shamus Mcfly - Don't ask.

Sir Axman and I finish up this week wondering why people think it is OK to bring their kids to the casino. Why? Because they are assholes. We leave singing along to one of our favorite ska tunes, Lorraine by Bad Manners. Until next time, SLAP IT!

Check out my Podcast damn it!

You should know by now that I co-host a podcast. Please spread the word, subscribe for free on iTunes, and follow me on twitter (@sirkayak or @Vaderloveswdw). The podcast will be out weekly and we are using some grassroots and simple advertising to grow our audience. We have a website that is constantly evolving and hope you all enjoy listening to the clown gospel. Until next time - Slap it, flip it and dip it!

When can I take my kids to a game?

It's time for some blogging....I'm thinking I will try to post more blogs of smaller length as to not go seasons in between posts.

A quick vent on sports or more specific, NY sports. Anyone who knows me well knows I live for the NY Rangers. For all my pals who hate them, call them the Gaboriks, love the Devils (ugh), Islanders (haha), or Philadelphia (at least you have parking wars)....you are missing out. An original six team, playing in the greatest city in the world. I know we are terribly run and the ticket prices are going up, AGAIN....but I love them. It's a bitter relationship that hasn't had an all night sex session since '94. On the plus side the Flyers and Islanders have had longer cup draughts than us and the Devils, although they had the success of 3 cups in a short amount of time, play in Newark and have only one true fan. Anyway, back to my ticket prices are going up again. Yes I will pay it, we will be mediocre, I will be upset and the cycle continues. Plus, I can't take my kids. I keep wanting to take Patrick to a game but the language during a game would make a sailor blush. I really want to expose my boys to the game and team I love so much but that day is on hold for now.

I thought about taking them to a Yankee game but you mix $12 beers and NY sports you usually get an out of control crowd. Giants games are no better... Maybe I need to go outside my fan zone. Jets? Newark Bears? Both bad options for different reasons. Maybe it might be time to look at the Mets. The team might be consistently mediocre but your $6 ticket will get you a different kind of bleacher creature.

There is plenty of time for me to expose them to this nonsense that I love so dearly. For the time being I will keep taking them to my other favorite place where the only person cursing is me when my bill arrives when I check out.

No way to run a candy store: Happy New Year

No way to run a candy store: Happy New Year: "Hey all... Happy new year! Time to start the year new and make this one better than the last... New year's resolution #1 - Live for today ..."

Happy New Year

Hey all...

Happy new year! Time to start the year new and make this one better than the last...

New year's resolution #1 - Live for today and try to be happy. I have spent a long time dwelling on the negative and I get into the rut of being the master of melancholy. Life is short so this year I am going to try and have as much fun as my bank account will allow. I booked a vacation in April to celabrate my 40th and I got rooms for my wife and kids, my brother from another mother - the axman, the one and only JV and my pops. Three rooms at Disney's Old Key West resort....the possibilites are endless.

I'm kicking around a few ideas for mancation as well and leaning towards a few trips but I have to talk to ax and set something in stone....whatever it is it will be a blast.

I want to hit some festivals, old stomping grounds, go back to the usual Halloween festivities, still waste many nights sitting in MSG hoping for the electricity that only that building can bring, and anything else I can afford and have fun.

The reason for my attempt to live for today and live to be happy? My mom passed away 40 days ago but I'm not counting. It's put me in such a funk. Her passing has changed me. I can't call her and get comfort, advice, anything. If your mom is alive make sure you try and stay tight with her no matter what. You only get one mom and when she is gone it changes you...trust me.


Resoulution #2 - Spend more time with my little group. Friends and family is what life is all about. You know who you are (or you should) and this is the year I make a big effort to see them more. I'm getting an itch for some gaming and over indulgence!


Resolution #3 - Move. Time for a new place. A bigger place. It starts on Sunday with a meeting with Dale.


Resolution #4 - Take care of my back. I hurt it...AGAIN. I plan on continuing my strenuous workouts but I need to maintain a healthy back. Starts tomorrow with an appointment with the best spine doctor around.


Resolution #5 - Be a better dad. I love my 2 boys but I need to put more time into their development. They look at me as the guy that takes them to Disney 3 or 4 times per year, gets them all the video games and toys they want but I want them to form a better bond with me as they get older. I love my dad and he worked multiple jobs and did what he had to do to provide for us and get me what I wanted but we never formed a tight emotional bond. I'm going to try my best to do that with my boys.


Resolution #6 (yes that's right 6...if I make enough of them law of averages say I will succeed in some, right?) - Get more satisfaction out of my job. I need to rejuvinate myself at the office. I'm going to be at my current job for 4 years come March 12th and it's time to recharge the batteries. Like I said in the beginning of this life is too short not to be happy and I need to find a way to get that satisfaction out of my job again. I have come to realize that I'll never have the warm and fuzzy environment that I had at my last place of employment but there are great folks where I am now and good people on my team and I need to reset the game for 2011, adjust to all the changes that I had endured at work in the 2nd half of the year or make drastic changes.

This is the year I start enjoying all aspects of life...here's to 2011.

Be well....and stick to your resolutions!

Thanksgiving, Facebook friends, cougars, ink...etc.

It's been a while since I felt the urge to throw some thoughts out there but I needed to make some space between the ears so for the next couple minutes keep reading all the crap that is going into the brain recycle bin.

First - Thanksgiving, my most hated of all holidays, is upon me and I must celebrate it. Why? Because I have 2 little boys that have been brainwashed my the Hoboken school system that this is a great day. My oldest boy came home talking about the first Indian and blah blah blah...also had a picture he made of a turkey leg with blue pants and an indian headress on with the sentence next to it "I am thankful for me because I am good. Patrick". I have a whole vision of Thanksgiving but as a dad I will not rain on the fun. As long as there is football, grub, and few comforts to ease the pain all will good.

Second - My wife deep sixed her Facebook account. I'm impressed as I think she was addicted to it like I was to another computer program and I know it is difficult to step away. Her reasoning brings me back to one of my posts from over the summer. I was bent out of shape because she was hurt by some friends all getting together and not asking her...over and over. Quick flashback - I went on to explain that only a few of us are blessed enough to have real friends (friends help you move, real friends help you move a body) and yes I am happy to have one of those. Anyway, she dropped Facebook because the holidays are approaching and she didn't want to see all the pictures from the parties that she (we) won't be invited to. Wasn't the only reason, there were lots of folks on her page that she really didn't care about...ya know the facebook friends that you knew another lifetime ago, or that random one nighter when you had that layover flight in Houston, or that guy you had to report to a few jobs ago that you can buy and sell now...etc. etc. Sigh...getting back on track, she is right on with that thought pattern...that's why I love the wife. We think alike. We just don't give a fuck. Pefect pair...don't get me wrong there are people I (we) do care for and about and the people in the inner circle know we are the most loyal of commrades but as far as the rest of the world well you give what you get. I told her over the summer and I'm telling her again...you know the people that mean the most to you so make time for them - it will make you happier in the long run. Hey Axman, if you're reading this - Martinis, cigars, Bobby Flay's steakhouse and some baccarat on Saturday night, can't wait.

Third - I witnessed some big time cougartown stuff a few days ago. Listen, I'm not the moral police but if you are married and my kids know your kid(s), why make it so obvious that you are going to cheat on your significant other with someone half your age. Do what you like by all means but don't make it so obvious where people openly talk about it. It makes you look trashy and that's ok but if your kid finds out then you're just a douche. Get a divorce if you're unhappy but tell the other person of your need to end it before moving on. Trust me,in the long run it will be better for all parties involved.

Fourth - December 10th - getting my full tattoo sleeve worked on by one of the most kick ass ink slingers on the east coast. If you ever wanted some ink go here...I go to Cisco but you can't go wrong with any artist here.

Finally - If you are religeous, spiritual, human, whatever...positive thoughts are needed for mom. She is fighting hard and is in the final rounds and all the positive thoughts, energy, and prayers help. Tell the people closest to you that they are loved and important every day because life is so short.

Till next time...

Back from a hiatus with a back problem, roids at WDW and waterclub withdrawl....

Hi all. I've been out of the loop for a while...hurt my back, BAD. It's been 30 days today and it's still bad. I hurt the back exercising and then went on vaction to one of my favorite places. Probably not of of my best ideas but thanks to the help of a great spine doctor and meds, I made it through. The trip was fun and I was roided out for a few days which resulted in me getting a tad too physical during a game of pool basketball where I decided to take it to the visiting 12 year old from central america, but all in all a great time. I had one other moment where I had the misfortune to losing my mind on a kid that kept splashing out of control at my 2 little guys. My boys are out of control too but this was at the point where it was ridiculous. Of course I never interject nicely and the boys dad came over to see what was wrong and I just told him that the splashing by his kid was insane. Once I had my glasses on and I COULD SEE THE KID I realized I need to get contacts. No wonder dad was annoyed with me. Sigh...Once the roids were out of my system and the pain came back I didn't have enough energy to start something with the guy spending too much time in the fancy cars when you get off of test track. Yeah my 6 year old wants to get in there for a second, but you go ahead and finish your nap. All in all though a great trip....looking forward to going back for halloween and taking the kids on the cruise for the frst time. Anyway...

This wasn't the first time I have made a social public faux paus. I accidentally ripped off a man's prosthetic leg on the m42 crosstown bus. I got caught on it (unknowingly) and ripped it so hard that before it fell to floor, so did he. I left my $2.25 fare and dignity on that bus and wound up walking. Funny thing is the next day I stopped for a bagel In grand central and when it was my turn to order this borat impersonator called out, "next, sir...ah...ma'am? Sir? next". I started yelling at him like I had turrets. You can only imagine the explatives and me ready to beat him to death when some woman said to me, "hey tough guy, he's blind". Needless to say I ate the cafe when I got to work.

On a good note I got to hang with the Ax last weekend. Good place, Good times, a long show but always a good time when me and the ax get together. I have to get him to move up wth way...although that could start a bad chain reation. I'm joking of course...but the appartment next to mine is for sale.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the hiatus and thank you to the few people that emailed me looking for a new post. I'm glad that a few folks read this. Today I had a procedure in another step to fix my back. This is hopefully a step in the right direction and my road back to bootcamp. I think my days of going on certain amusement park rides might be over and possibly derailed a dream or two but it could be worse.

I want to leave you with a song I stumbled accross this week. It's EXTEMELY rare I like any music written since the mid 90's but I found this amusing and catchy (I've always had a soft spot for him and Gnarles Barkley)...enjoy.

Until next time...

Without trust there is nothing....

Trust. I want to post a brief thought I have about trust. Many things come to mind when I think of trust.

• Trust your instincts
• In God We Trust
• A Megadeath song
• Trust Funds

I could go on and on about different kinds of trust. What I want to talk about is trusting your significant other. Anyone that is in a monogamous relationship has to trust the other for it to work. I don't care if you are straight, homosexual, Bi-sexual, metrosexual, trysexual, whatever...once in a committed relationship you have to trust the other person or it is destined to fail.

That being said I will be married for 11 years on Septemeber 12th. I met my wife on August 2, 1997. That's right bitches, I remember the day. I met my wife 13 years ago on Monday. I knew the day when I woke up but didn't mention it because I knew it wasn't what everone was thinking on Monday morning. We were all thinking about the first day of camp for my little guys and, once there, how horribly upset Pat was. I felt like the world's worst dad on Monday morning hearing his screams as I was pulling away...thank god that he wound up loving it and is having a great time. That all being said, I trust my wife. I don't think anything or anyone would come between us. There are folks that she has known forever that go up to the same area we have a country house (Berkshire stories are coming soon to a blog near you). Recently the couple divorced and the guy started texting my wife. I know I have nothing to worry about as I trust her. I just don't trust him. I tried explaining this to my wife that, being a dude, if you are unattached (not that it matters to everyone but for the sake of the story...) you don't give any time or effort on a female if you didn't think there was the slimmest of possibilities that something could happen. I understand he has a kid and just wants his kid to play with our kids...fine. But the texting and eventual play date at the fair or whatever the mountain people call those things up there is not completely kosher. Call my wife naive but I'm a dude and I know how we think. I know there is no real threat frim this divorced guy that is texting my wife like a high school clown head but it still bothered me a little. It bothered me a little more when after I told her my "guy" thoughts I found out she was having a playdate while I was in the hospital. Don't anyone worry, there is no trouble on the home front, I trust her...I just don't trust any other dude because at the end of the day, guys are guys.

Until next time...

Friends....how many of us have them?

I want to vent a little about friends. What really is a friend? If you are reading this ask yourself how many true friends you really have. I like to break people down as friend, colleague, family or acquaintance. We all have some sort of family. I'm sure some are closer with their family than others....most are probably closer to their families than me but family is the category we can control the least. I want to talk about friends so I will move this along. Colleagues of course are the folks we work with. Some we like, some we don't but even though we may be "friendly" with them at the end of the day they are our colleagues. Acquaintances are folks we meet through other friends, through work, through just living our day to day lives. I have grown to truly like some of these acquaintances. I have gone to ball games with some, bars, casinos, even hit a little gin and juice with some but at the end of the day they haven't passed the true friend test.

Now if you are wondering how one passes the "true" friend test ask yourself the following question, "when I finally snap and the sleeping demon comes to the surface and instead of just laughing off the douche bag in the Ed Hardy tee-shirt that mocked me at the mall I followed him home and felt the warmth of his blood spray me in the face as I choked the life out him, who do I call to help me move the body?" How many names did you come up with? There are 3 people in the world that I consider "true" friends. The first, my wife, is the reason I needed to rant on this topic. Her "true" friend died 3 years ago this month. Honestly, her friend and I didn't really see eye to eye on much be we didn't dislike each other...maybe misunderstood each other, but didn't dislike. I remember the pain in my wife's voice when she called me to tell me of the motorcycle accident that took her "true" friends life. I feel for her because I know that is something that is almost impossible get someone in your life to achieve the "true" friend status once it has already been claimed. I try to be the best friend that my wife can have because we are both kindred spirits in the lone wolf world. It doesn't hurt that wither one of us would help each other move a body....REMEMBER....acquaintences help you move, "true" friends help you move a body. My wife has come to known many acquaintances but never a real friends. I hold hope that she will find one but I'm not sure. It was just last week that she was looking at pictures on facebook of all her (as she thinks) friends that were away together and just like the fucked up cliques that make us jaded in our youth I saw it all over again. The disappointment. The sadness and pity of why don't I get invited to these things. Why? Because the fuckers aren't your friends. Don't get me wrong it is good to have friendly acquaintances. We need people in our lives and some human contact is good but speaking for myself I only need my wife, lifelong pal that I consider my real "brother" and my other close good friend. There is one person that I think is extremely reliable and tight to my wife and I hope that one day I can, without pause, call her my wife's "true" friend. We need to somehow get our families a little closer but who knows what tomorrow will bring. All I know is that I'm glad I have my little circle. I never want to hear that disappointment in my wife's voice again. It was the same disappointment you get when you are semi-stalking a stripper and you show up on a night ready to make your move to the champagne room only to be faced with tragedy. I'm trying to do something special for her for our anniversary (11 years - damn) coming up and of course I do that with the help of one of my "true" friends. Whenever any of those 3 are let down, I'm here to pick up the pieces...and if any of you happen to read this - call me when you need me to bring the shovel and the garbage bags.

Until next time....

Change isn't so bad...

I made a decision last summer that would change my life forever and after 8 months of medical tests and slashing through insurance company red tape I was approved by Cigna to spend the morning of March 3, 2010 at New York Presbyterian Hospital with a top notch doctor. Once the procedure was completed I knew I had work to do. I started going to Hoboken Boot camp every Saturday morning with my wife. The first Saturday I went I couldn't walk until Thursday. It was BRUTAL. I called my primary care physician and told him I had post traumatic stress syndrome from this exercise experience and I needed some Xanax (sweet, delicious Xanax) and a therapist.

Side note - for anyone that has not had the pleasure of getting a script for Xanax, tell your doc that you feel a little uptight. Every time I pop one of these beauties it is a euphoria on level I can't explain. I haven't taken one in ages but for the times when you are overwhelmed with work, family, whatever...it makes everything better. You achieve the same sense of nirvana that you get when you are sitting in the Sapphire club in Vegas with a bottle of your favorite beverage, some cigars, and a few grand in your pocket...ah, if there isn't a heaven on Earth...

I digress...Xanax is good when you are stressed to the max but don't use it too often or you wind up hooked and on a cable TV show. Anyway, for the past 2 plus weeks or so I have not missed a boot camp on a day there is class. I go every Monday - Thursday at 7:00pm and every Saturday 9:00 am. I'm starting to feel it! I never thought I would go back to an exercise regiment but I had to do it, if not for me for my 2 kids. I had to try and make a change. So far, so good. My new pants arrived tonight and they are 8 inches smaller that the pair I was wearing only 4 months ago. To top it off I feel strong as an ox, nowhere near some of the beasts that go to boot camp (yet), but for being a hunk of death for the past x number of years. I feel like the change is happening and I even pointed out the cut in my biceps already to the wife. I have always lived in fear of change but now I'm not so sure. I'm not going to jump into any super extreme changes but now some things I was afraid to do or goals I never thought possible don't seem so out of reach. I'm going to see the best nutritionist this side of the country tomorrow and we will see what the scale says but so far it's been life changing and I can't wait to see what happens over the next year. I'll keep you posted to the changes and if you ever thought of making a change, just do it. Live for today because tomorrow is not a guarantee.

Until next time...

Patrick and the iPhone

So my oldest son Patrick downloaded 40 some odd dollars worth of games to my iPhone the other day. Those of you that know me best can only imagine the mood that put me in. Pat is so damn smart and I'm not saying that because I am a proud dad I'm saying that because he is beyond his years. What they consider toys and what I considered toys as a kid are so far apart it's scary. If you are a parent today of children 5 and up...constantly change your passwords to everything. I should have learned my lesson when Pat used my credit card on the Lego site...or if I thought that was a fluke I should have learned when he wasn't feeling the pasta being cooked for dinner and went on line for a little take out...and he got everyone's favorites! But this knack for working out my credit card is an ominous foreshadowing of his future teen years. You can order everything on-line. Think about the power you could have had if you were a kid again today and knew the folks credit card info. Wowza!

All my favorite things I loved as a kid seem so caveman today compared to what my kids like. Try comparing our video game systems to what kids have today...I remember trading cards with my friends not wii games. Hell we even looked forward to Sunday mornings to watch cartoons (with epic psa's by the way) and my kids can watch cartoons whenever they want...even tivo some.

The more I think about the world we live in today and the things kids are attracted too I look for creative ways to protect my credit and try to get my kids to have a good childhood. I know I can't force my old (and looking back - dangerous) favorites on them but I want them to have a mix of modern stuff and old fashioned fun stuff. I guess all we can do is keep trying to reign them in from today's technological landscape and try to provide them with the happiest childhood we can. Although Patrick's childhood might be short lived if he keeps finding ways to feed his habit.

Until next time...

Everything Sux...

I'm sitting here totally foul and need to vent a little. What happened to TV? Can someone out there please tell me what happened to quality TV. I try to watch network TV, I do. It is so bad. I saw the Emmy nominees this morning and just shook my head in total dismay. Before I get into that I just watched the LeClown James "special" on ESPN and it was the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. The level of self importance is mind boggling. The fact that my wife (doesn't know a football from a basketball) and I watched is even more mind boggling. I hope this team never wins. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not bitter he didn't come to NY or NJ (I wanted him to stay at home), I'm bitter because these 3 guys conspired to play for the devil and think they got a ring locked. I hope he never wins. One more thought before I move on...they kept calling him the best player in the game today and I always thought the best player in any sport is the one that consistently leads his team to championships. oh well...on to the Emmy's.

The Emmy nominees came out and I realize the majority of these shows are for sheep. There were a few on there that I watch...Dexter for one...Nurse Jackie is good, not a comedy, but good. I just don't understand how network TV got so bad. 19 nominations for Glee? Seriously? I love Jane Lynch but this show is the epitomee of what I hate about network TV. If you are white suburbia and have never lived in a major city and love glee then put on a top 40 station and have a glass of white wine and disregard my ramblings because this crap is meant for folks like you. I would give it another chance if it showed a glimpse of what the world is really like...maybe a body count episode? Can we get a Law and Order:SVU episode and glee crossover? I'd be into that and might even set the Tivo.

I see the Good Wife was nominated too....really?

Southland is one of the best shows on TV and it had to jump to cable. Network TV is a joke. Cable is the only choice now for quality shows. I long for the days of Oz -if you thought the wizard I hope said cuts you like he did adebisi (mr. eko). Bring back the wire maybe some shield reruns. I do have a soft spot for Criminal Minds though so all is not totally lost. It's funny how the more advanced TV's have become the worse the programming gets. I always thank god for cable and sports. Of course until tonight when I got sucked into the LeClown nonsense. ugh...

Remember when it comes to TV and Music today skip ahead to the 4:02 mark and realize Everything Sux.

Until next time..

Bus rules for commuters...

There are many more items in the "pros" column then there are in the "cons" column when making the list of why Hoboken is a great place to live. In a matter of minutes I can be in Times Square using the 126 bus. I have a path stop that takes us to my Mother-in-law's apartment on Christopher Street in minutes and goes all the way to MSG. The teachers and workers at the Brandt school have been nothing but amazing to my 2 little guys. Ever heard of Elysian Fields? The Chairman of the Board? That's right, both are Hoboken. There is always something to do or somewhere to go.

Oh there are cons too. I'm not going to get into the endless amount of nonsense that drives me crazy about Hoboken. I will leave that laundry list of corruption and community clown college for another day. What I can't stand are folks that squeeze themselves into the smallest spot in the back of the bus during my morning commute. I used to feel sorry for the folks that live uptown and have to stand on the way to Port Authority after watching countless packed buses pass them by. I don't anymore. Witnessing an argument between a couple of Hoboken's finest young professional elitists makes me despise them all. I was one of 4 people sitting in the back of the crowded bus this morning when Mr. Metro-sexual squeezed himself between me and Chris Martin's twin. There was not enough room and of course these two dopes next to me start arguing. Not a real man's argument where it would get physical it was more of a cat fight of verbal diarrhea with - I live in the "x" building and my bank accounts are bigger than yours, and I have "x" cars and assets.....blah, blah, blah... I start hoping that the bus driver will take off his disguise and Boogaloo Shrimp would emerge and settle the strife like it was 1980.


Being the joyous person that I am and never one to shy away from confrontation I interjected a question to these two Bill Gates wannabees, "If you have so much money and everything the world has to offer, why are you on this bus? Go take the ferry or call a car service but please shut the fuck up". It is one of the few joys I get in life is dropping a verbal bomb on someone and watching them calculate a response. A few of us in this world are blessed with the gift of being able to see this thought process. The facial muscles twitch and contort while the brain rapidly goes over the checklist of how this altercation is going to turn out. Is this guy serious? Will he hurt me? Do I need this to escalate? It is better than watching any Oscar winning movie. It reminds me of those which way books I read when I was a kid. If you want to stand up and make room and act like nothing happened for the next few minutes while the bus goes through the Lincoln tunnel please turn to page 142. If you told the large, unstable man to bring it then please turn to page 244. It was at this moment when the older woman sitting on the other end of the back seat declared there wasn't any room and Mr. Metro- sexual stood up and gave out a large huff.


The back of the bus should not be squeezed into. If you are reading this and you are a person that would squeeze yourself onto the crowded back seat of a commuter bus then you need to see a Doctor. Just stand the 10 minutes it takes to get to NYC....you never know what you are squeezing yourself into.


Until next time....

Here we go...

Welcome to the world according to me. This is my first attempt at making a blog. I'm not sure why I am a tad nervous or hesitant about doing this but I am. Sitting here and trying to get this started is making me feel like my first day in junior high when some 8th grade girl sprayed me in the face with her hair spray while we were in the cafeteria waiting for our bus. Yeah that's right she was on my bus. There I was, an insecure, husky 12 year old being sprayed in the face with aqua net by an extra from Square Pegs. Everyone laughed AND I had to get on the bus with them. Great day in life of prepubescent me. It surprises me that I can't for the life of me remember her name. At the time it was mortifying and made me beg my folks to move and now I can't remember her. I guess that goes with age. Although I still have a brain of useless 80's and 90's facts my ability to remember names is not as sharp as it was pre kids.

I grew up on the Jersey Shore and will occasionally recall past people (for all those I have forgotten, some are still in the data bank), places and events as they pop to the fore front of my brain. Today I live in Hoboken, NJ and work in Manhattan. I recently visited my parents and made a wrong turn trying to find the house. How is that possible? Seriously, I grew up in the town and spent over 20 years living down there. How do I not remember the street? Mess. I think the years my wife and I lived in Brooklyn erased some of the Point Pleasant memories. I am a firm believer that if you want to get tough you go into the military or you do time in Bensonhurst. I'll save the story of the street brawl on my 29th birthday for a future blog. Hoboken is great but the yuppies occasionally make me long for the grittiness and the edge of Brooklyn. Ah if it weren't for the kids...

I'm not going to get too carried away with my first post. I hope you come back and read my future rants and recollections. See you all next time...